Relationship Abuse Issues-what you need to know
All of us at one time or another looks for that special person to share their lives. In healthy relationships partners support one another, through both the good and bad times.
When you first meet someone that you have made a connection with, your heart skips a beat, you are so happy. But, this is the time to take a step back and look at the person you are seeing and their lives. Here’ a check list to review when considering potential life mates:
How do they treat others?
How do they talk about other people in their lives, be it parent, friend, sibling, co-worker, boss?
Are they happy about their life? If not are they doing something positive to make changes like finishing school or continuing their education for a better job?
What about when the two of you are out together?
how do they treat others in public? for example the person at the restaurant who waited on you? how about the guy who parked the car?
Do this person check on you all the time to see where you are?
Are they restricting where you can go and whom you can see?
Are they comparing you with past relationships?
Did they blame their prior relationship ending on it being all the other persons fault?
Does this person constantly call you to see where you are or what you are doing?
Is there tone angry when they are relating a story about their life or a situation in which they had no control?
You may think these are silly things and can be overlooked, but it is often an indication of what is ahead for the future and perhaps your relationship with this person. This is often how abusive relationships begin only we don’t think about these things because we are so happy with that person and how they make us feel.
Think about your relationship no differently than seeking the presidential nomination for office. Sound silly? It’s not. Your life is the highest office in the land. And someone wants to be part of it. So they run for office to be in your life. They want your vote.
Never mind that later on they will not be the same person, who treated so wonderfully at the beginning.
Alas, they have conquered you and entered your life. All because you didn’t see the warning signs. Five years from now, after the two of you are married, this wonderful person has become abusive to you and your small children. You life is filled with not knowing what this person will do next.
They is help, and yes you can get out, but you need the guidance of professionals and the support of family in order to move on with your life and away from the abuse.
You can start by creating a plan for yourself. Begin by doing research at the library or a friend’s house on the Internet. Ask the librarian for books on the subject like “Defending our Lives” getting away from domestic violence and staying safe. In this book it gives you a good plan to learn your options and most of all to be safe.
And you can contact the National Coalition. The services are free and confidential. Their number is 1-800-799-
Or if your planning divorce and there are also abuse or stalking related incidents, then pick up a copy of “Moving Out, Moving On” when a relationship goes wrong. If the library doesn’t have them ask them to please order you a copy. Or you can visit the website at www.movingoutmovingon.com/bookinfo.html. Susan Murphy-Milano
