Starbucks Out To Take Our Bucks with a Smile
If your interested in real high way robbery and excessive prices, why not visit your nearby StarBucks on the way to filling up your tank with gas.
Perhaps those in Congress ought to single out Starbucks, the leader of America's burgeoning retail coffee industry, as the focus of a price-gouging investigation.
Consider just a few of the searing indictments that turned up against Starbucks in a quick research tour of the Internet:
*Seattle-based Starbucks brewed a $127 million profit in its fiscal second quarter -- up a whopping 27 percent from a year ago. Were terrorists blowing up coffee plantations in Kenya, Colombia, Java and Yemen or what?
*Starbucks' $6.3 billion worth of annual sales all started with just a $1 investment in 1984. Is such a financial feat possible just from selling people cups of something as mundane as morning coffee and cookies?
*Howard Schultz, the 52-year-old founder and CEO of Starbucks, received a total cash compensation package of $4,483,560 last year. Starting Starbucks employees, on average, receive less than $8 an hour, with paltry raises after six months on the job. You call this pay equity?
*You think the price of premium gasoline is high at slightly over $3 a gallon.Try premium coffee. Starbuck's flagship offering, Mocha Espresso, sells for $46.40 per gallon; its Mocha Frappuccino costs $49.60 per gallon, and its new utterly prestigious Coffee Liquor tops out at $104.95 per gallon. Make sure you drain the cup.
*Last, but not least. Big Coffee imports all of its caffeine-packed beans from foreign countries, while Big Oil is trying desperately to extract and sell more U.S. oil than its current 35 percent. It's high time for Americans to wean themselves from this abusive addiction to foreign imports.
This percolating crisis obviously is a great opportunity for politicians to secure expanded coverage at major print and electronic outlets along the 24/7 news cycle. Here are a few recommendations of things Congress can do to ease a disturbing situation -- one which is cutting deep into the budget of every working family in America:
First, hold a series of hearings this summer. Subpoena the heads of the various coffee companies, including Schultz. Order them to appear at 10 a.m. sharp, so the camera crews can record their abject cringing before a panel of inquisitorial senators -- hereafter known as "the staunch defenders of Jane and Joe Six-Pack."
Bring in leading economists to discuss whether free market forces are actually at work. Ask if they recommend a breakup of Starbucks to enhance local competition. Draft legislation limiting Starbucks to only one shop per intersection in the downtowns of major cities.
Second, repeal all federal taxes, state and local taxes as well as duties on coffee importation and sales, until the price of a morning Frappuccino is only 25 percent above the level of a piping hot coffee from McDonald's. In addition, provide every American with a $100 check to ease the sting of such outrageous fortune -- whether they drink coffee or not.
Finally, authorize $2.5-billion for research and development into alternative sources for this unique morning fuel. Perhaps, an acceptable cup of java can be brewed from Florida sugar cane, Washington apples, Iowa corn, Wyoming buffalo grass or Michigan sugar beets.
After all, isn't it about time for Americans to end their coffee addiction, wean themselves from foreign beans and wake up and smell the roses? Excuse me while I check my broker to see what shares of No Doz are selling for today.
(Source Chicago Tribune)
