Susan Murphy-Milano...

The responsibility of a person who chooses to drink belongs to that individual.  Be it a man or a woman.  They own it! They live it, they breathe it, they even bathe in it.  And with all their might, in a very subtle, manipulative way that make you own their disease and take responsibility for their drinking and actions.

And, you take on that overwhelming burden.  As if your taking care of another child. This is an awful lot of work.  How did you get yourself to this place?  First, recognize that the problem is not playing hide and seek somewhere in your backyard and when it gets dark it will all go away.  You have set the table at your house.  The disease lives right there with you. And now, it is a member of your household.  Affixed permanently, walking, taking and destroying everything in its path.  Think for a moment what plan of action you take when there is a tornado coming. Simple enough, you go to the basement or a safe room seeking shelter until it passes.  

How are you going to plan ahead and be prepared when the next outburst or incident happens

Example: Let's say your at a relatives house, the in-laws are there, relatives, friends of the family.  You get up and check on your spouse.  You see that they have had too much too drink.  That automatic alarm inside goes off telling you it is time to go home.  Suddenly you look at the clock and say out loud thank you for everything, its time we get going, we have an early day.  All of a sudden your lovely mother in-law says "I don't why he has to drink so much, no one in my family had a drinking problem.  I just don't know where he could have picked it up."  Then she shoots you this evil look, as if it is your problem and you better fix it. She might as well have thrown a sword across the room, and into your heart, the feeling is no different.

Take a couple of deep breaths.  Look directly at her. Calmly as possible respond to the mentally challenged mother of the diseased son and say "I am not responsible for anyone's drinking." turn around, leave the room.

Her son is a very sick and dependent addict.  Welcome to "Chemical Insanity".  You are the caretaker of a chemically dependent Insane man.

You, have also been infected with the disease.  No not like a mosquito bite or chicken pocks that clears up and goes away.  Once infected, you will always be open to a relapse.  Even if you leave the marriage or relationship, divorce, separate.."I've learned my lesson, I'll never marry anyone like that again"..WRONG!

Unless you seek help from groups such as  Al-anon , or seek out the help of professional counselor maybe a therapist you are likely to enter into the same type of relationship, again.  You need to be in contsant recovery mode.  Just like an alcoholic, they must work on their addiction everyday.  That's why even after a person has not taken a drink for a number of years, You often hear them respond I am an alcoholic, when someone says oh good for you, you quit drinking.  They may not have had a drink for twenty years, but they are still an alcoholic.  And they know they have the ability to slip back and drink again.

And so will you if you are not in continious recovery. Be  Aware and prepared it will return in another shape, size, eye color, hair style, again.